4 Tips For Maintaining a Strong Marriage After Kids

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4 Tips For Maintaining a Strong Marriage After Kids

maintaining a strong marriage

When you have kids, they become your whole world. It’s easy to put all of your efforts into making their life fun and exciting. Day in and day out. But don’t forget to pour into your spouse’s wants and needs. My wife and I have been married for 11 years now and we do a few things to maintain our strong marriage. Continue reading to find my 6 tips for maintaining a strong marriage after kids.

1. Communication is key to maintaining a strong marriage

Communication is so important in any relationship. But in a marriage with your spouse and with a house full of kids, it’s crucial to communicate often. Check in with your spouse in the morning. Before you go to work, communicate and set expectations for the day. During the evening, communicate what tasks need to be completed before bed time. Before bed, sit down together and talk about the day. Catch up with your spouse. This is where great conversation happens!

2. Active listening

While communication is great, active listening is just as important to maintaining a strong marriage. I am guilty of “listening” to my wife and later on in the day, it’s evident I missed quite a few details. How do we improve active listening with our spouse? Put your phones away. Be present. Make eye contact. Show you really care by making that effort to listen to what your spouse if really trying to say.

3. Plan date nights

In a house full of kids, a date night with your spouse often gets put on the back burner. Don’t let that happen. In a perfect world, my wife and I would love to plan a date night once a month. It doesn’t always happen like that. But we are honest with each other when our communication seems to be out of sync and a date night is necessary to reset. Plan date nights well in advance. Do you live near your parents or in-laws? Can you both sneak away for a few hours and reconnect? I have 5 amazing date night ideas, if you and your spouse are struggling to plan a date night.

4. Maintaining a strong marriage involves a lot of teamwork!

I always felt like my wife and I worked well together as a team. We just get each other. But that was tested as we started having kids and raising twins. When you have kids, it can get stressful and overwhelming at times.

Nights with very little sleep. Babies are up crying. One of your kids gets sick. Chores need to be done.

The importance of teamwork with your spouse becomes tripled with you have kids. My wife and I really focus on trying to help each other and make sure we don’t feel overwhelmed. At the end of each day, I always like to remind my wife that we are on the same team, even if things didn’t go as planned for the day.

I will add another tip on how we maintain a strong marriage:

We never go to bed angry.

If we are upset with one another during the day, we resolve it before we go to bed. Do not let the anger fester. That is the worst thing you can do for your marriage. Resolve it. Apologize. Forgive one another. Hug each other. It’s something we’ve always done and our marriage is better for it.

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20 Responses

  1. Yufi Mukut says:

    Great tips and very useful. Thank you

  2. Definitely needed to read this.
    My husband and I are a great team but we haven’t had a date night since our youngest was conceived. Are you ready for this? Our youngest is a YEAR old lol. Thank you for my wake up post

    • Derek says:


      You aren’t alone! It’s always tough planning date nights when you’re so focused on providing for your kids. Thanks for sharing and reading!


  3. Really good tips. Thank you for sharing!

  4. Maryanne says:

    Wow No. 2 – Active listening. How many times do we kind of listen while we are doing several other things at the same time. Sometimes we just have to put the phones down and listen a little more carefully. Love the post!

  5. Tom says:

    I love the “never go to bed angry” tip. So true! Nice article!

  6. Great post! It’s easy to stop communicating when you’re busy with kids ❤️

  7. Carol says:

    Be present. Put the phone away. THIS. Sigh….I wish everyone would get that. And the teamwork. I don’t think though that men, in general, understand teamwork the same as women do. I think this is part of the struggle. It’s not an ill intention thing – they just see it completely different.

  8. Margaret says:

    These are so doable! I know that active listening is extremely difficult with so many distractions. I find myself pulled away from a focused conversation by my son, work, my phone…

    • Derek says:


      Active listening sounds so easy, but it definitely is something I always need to work on as well. Thanks for sharing and for reading!


  9. Bronna says:

    Great suggestions. When my girls were young, one of them asked me why daddy and I need to go out every Saturday night. I explained that we like to spend time with our friends, just like they do. And before they were born, it was just me and daddy, and when they grow up and move out, it will be just me and daddy. So we need to spend time together and work on our relationship too. She understood and never questioned me again.

  10. Lydiah says:

    Communication in the family outdo everything. If there’s no problem communication,even problem solving will be hell.

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